You see, I was extremely proud of my dad. For the longest time, he was the tallest man at church, measuring in right at 6’6” (or 5’18” as he likes to call it because he is a dad and makes great dad jokes). For some reason I felt that if somebody else came along who was taller than my dad—and in our own extended family, no less— it would strip our family of the great honor we clearly had from possessing such a tall family member. Besides, I really wanted to be the tallest one in the family when I grew up. I will admit I was a rather strange 9 year-old with some odd obsessions.
Well, if you know me you know that I ended up growing pretty tall after all. I didn’t make it all the way to my dad’s height, but I’m satisfied with where I stopped growing. And because I worried about how tall I was going to be for so many years, I’m now completely capable of helping others achieve my great heights. In fact, I feel that my current height makes me an authority on the topic. That’s why I’ve compiled these 3 key steps to make yourself taller.
1. Buy clothes that tall people wear.
I noticed that there was an interesting correlation between the size of my clothes and my height while growing. My mom decided to buy longer and longer pants for me, and coincidentally my legs grew longer and longer. I attribute much of my height to her for that reason, although I wish she had done the same with my shirts.
2. Possess at least one tall parent.
Science has proven that tall parents drastically increase the chances of being taller than people with short parents. This one’s a no-brainer. If you haven’t got a tall parent, that should be one of the first things to invest in.
The final and possibly most important step in the whole process. Without growth, it’s nearly impossible to be tall. Take your time and let yourself be short for a while if you’d like, but ultimately you’re going to need to grow more than most people do in order to get the height you’re looking for.
Obviously I’m not serious.
While those 3 rather random steps are definitely things that accompany the act of being tall, they aren’t means to produce tallness at all. In fact, with the exception of maybe a few health tips to consider, there’s really nothing anybody can do to actually make themselves tall.
And that’s what leads me to the point of this post. It’s easy for me to recognize that it was completely pointless to worry about how tall I was going to be, but what about the other things in my life that I don’t have control over? As much as I try to discipline myself, plan ahead, and consider possible outcomes for courses of action that I take, there will always be things that are outside of my control or that happen unexpectedly.
In the sermon on the mount, Jesus Christ discussed this exact topic. “Do not be anxious about your life,” He says. “Which of you by taking thought, can add one cubit unto his stature?” (Matthew 6:27) Many versions say “ which of you, by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” The underlying message is the same: why are you spending your energy worrying about things that you can’t control? It’s absolutely pointless. Thankfully, there is a positive antidote to this negative worrying. After assuring us that God will ultimately take care of our needs, Christ redirects our focus to the ultimate purpose in life: “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33).
I should mention that while nothing good comes from a preoccupation with what’s unexpected or uncontrollable, I believe that it is good to deal with those things when they do become reality — clearly I had to get clothes that were long enough for me as I stretched out. But ultimately when I direct my focus away from what I can’t control, it frees me up to pursue what really does matter in my life.
So, to my 9 year-old self: You’ll be 6’3”, kid. Which is still tall enough for elementary school kids to gawk at. Now stop worrying.